Time to Understand the Difference between Reel and Real Marriages

Thanks to popular culture such as rom-coms, romance novels and, perhaps, even Shakespearean plays, we see love as some kind of a soaring emotion that is way above reality. We carry the same notions into marriage. Nowadays, such marriages even have a specific name – starter marriages. These are generally first marriages that end up in divorce within half a decade. Why? Because the people entering into such unions have expectations so unrealistic that these expectations inevitably cause the demise of the relationships.

When my parents divorced after 20 years of marriage, one of the accusations that I heard them hurl at each other was that neither one was able to ‘get’ the other. One of the major sources of frustration for both of them was that the other person couldn’t read their minds and ‘know’ instantly what they needed or wanted.

This is a classic example of unrealistic expectations destroying a marriage. Of course, in this case, the divorce took two decades to come along, but it did come along eventually. Whether their marriage was doomed from the start or not, the fact is that they doomed it when their expectations didn’t dial back down to reality.

We, at ShoutLo, decided to explore what some such expectations are and how they can wreck a marriage.

Not Needing to Apologize

There is a belief that being in love means that you never have to apologize. No matter what you and your partner say or do to each other, if your love is strong enough, you will overlook it all. Reality begs to differ. We all do and say things that hurt others; that is inevitable. However, if we choose not to apologize, we create a problem that slowly grows bigger and finally erupts in an inferno of resentment. Our partner will resent us for the mistakes we make and do not acknowledge. That resentment will grow and eventually snowball into something that will shatter your marriage.

Not Having to Work at Marriage

Love is all you need. How often have you heard this? While this sounds very romantic when you’re watching a rom-com in which the protagonists walk off into the sunset hand in hand, the reality is that you have to live with each other day in and day out. It is easy to take the relationship for granted and not give it as much priority as you should. However, if you believe that the love will stay alive after it has been neglected for some time, you are very wrong. Without attention and care, your relationship will wither and die. Putting your marriage first, taking time out for each other and working through your problems together are just some examples of the effort you need to put in to ensure its success.

Not Having Arguments in a Marriage

There is this common but absurd belief that people in love do not fight with each other at all. Love smoothness the way for them and they don’t have any conflicts. This stems from the belief that love means perfect agreement in everything. Therefore, a corollary of this belief is that if you argue, it means that your marriage is over. However, no two people agree with each other completely. Conflicts are inevitable, whether they are over money or sex or how to raise the children. How you resolve those conflicts is what determines the strength of your relationship. Discuss, talk and negotiate and most of all appreciate the fact that your partner is a different person with different experiences and different perspectives.

These are only some of the unrealistic expectations that couples bring into their marriages. Clinging to these expectations in the face of all that reality throws at you will inevitably end in the death of your marriage.

What are some other unrealistic expectations that people have of their marriage? Let us know in the comments below.