Why Are People Choosing to Divorce after 50?

Someone I know came up to me recently and told me some news that both he and I found absolutely stunning – his parents were getting a divorce after 35 years together. There was no acrimony between the couple and they were still friendly with each other. They just didn’t want to live as husband and wife anymore.

Midlife divorce isn’t quite as rare as it used to be once upon a time. In fact, it has become common enough that the term ‘gray divorce’ has been coined for it. The phenomenon has been growing over the past few years and shows no signs of abating.

Plenty of questions plague the friends and family members who know and love the couple involved in the divorce. Why go for a divorce after such a long time together? Divorce, at this age? What could possibly have motivated two people who have shared their lives for so long to decide to break up their marriage in such a final manner?

Here at ShoutLo, we examine some of the reasons midlife divorce is on the rise and try to answer those questions.

The Couple Grows Apart

Often when couples get married, they share a lot of the same interests and views. In short, they are compatible. However, change is inevitable and people change and grow over the years. Unfortunately, not all couples grow together. Sometimes one or both parties grow away from each other. Common interests become fewer and their lives start going in different directions. By the time the children have grown up and started taking care of themselves, the husband and wife realize that they have nothing in common anymore.

People Are Living Longer

This is slightly involved so bear with me. Earlier, if there were cracks in the marriage, they were often papered over by the demands of daily life, children, their school, family budget, college applications and so on. Couples may have realized that they don’t want to be together anymore but for the sake of the children, they would decide to provide a stable home. They might even have had financial reasons for staying together.

Today, life expectancy has increased and more people live healthy and longer lives. Once their children leave home to start their own lives, the couple has no way to hide from the troubles plaguing their marriage. They know they are going to live longer and see no point in spending that time with someone who makes them unhappy.

There is a Change in Social Expectations

For a long time, people were expected to marry, start their families and live with their spouses for the rest of their lives. Religious expectations and societal expectations dovetailed neatly and exercised a great deal of control over things such as divorce. If a couple realized that they were incompatible, they had no choice but to stick it out or go in for a ‘fault’ divorce – something that could end up being very acrimonious. Now, social attitudes differ. Divorce is acceptable and can be done in a ‘no fault’ manner. Those who find that they are no longer compatible or were never compatible can now get out of a marriage that was only making both parties unhappy.

Women Are Becoming Financially Independent

This is again a then and now situation. Women over the age of 50 now are the first women to have joined the workforce and have careers. This means that they have built up their own savings, become independently financially stable and sometimes even funded their retirement. Contrast this with a couple of decades ago, when women in this age bracket were financially dependent on their husbands. No matter how unhappy the marriage, a divorce meant that they would see a significant drop in living standards. Today, women don’t face that dilemma anymore. Their financial independence ensures that if they don’t like how their marriage is doing, they can opt out and still take care of themselves well.

These are only some of the reasons that have been cited for the increase in divorce after the age of 50. Reasons behind divorce are often as varied as the people who want the divorce and the same is true of ‘gray divorce’.

What do you think is the reason/s behind the increase in ‘gray divorce’? Let us know your views in the comments section.